Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
