I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
