Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
