so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
