Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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