The maid of honor just puked.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize