Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
