i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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