i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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