too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
