just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
