And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
