worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
