I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
