my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
