i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
