Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
