Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
