But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize