Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize