fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my poor anus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
