In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
