He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
third nipple confirmed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
