were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
