D3 body, D1 cock
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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