I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
