I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
