my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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