fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
