ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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