Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am one with the molecules
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
