Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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