i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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