Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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