I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
