I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
