And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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