Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
as a side note pls kill me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
