Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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