Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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