forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
