yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
