After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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