I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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