Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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