And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
