good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
