the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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