hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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