I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
