Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
