i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize