i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
