Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
