There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i out mim tonsoeep
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