I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
