Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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