I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
