im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
