I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
