i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
