Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
