and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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