i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
