don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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